You know those things that you’re scared to admit in public? The things that make you feel like people might not like the “you” that they think you are? Yeah. Those are the things that I’m sharing today. I’m honestly really scared to be putting this out there, but I wanted to give you an opportunity to get to know me on a more personal level. Lately I feel like there is a TON going on in this world. There is bullying, politics, sadness, happy stories, and lots of guards up. Lots of people ONLY sharing the good and not too many people letting their guard down. I’m going to be doing this and OH BOY AM I SCARED!!!!
1. I’m not the best with money
So, Steven and I are on a budget and doing the Dave Ramsey thing and both of us just can’t get on board with it. Trust me we are really trying. But the main reason is because we aren’t making a ton right now so it is difficult to get out of debt and pay bills, but I’m scared to really open the books and know what my finances truly look like. So my goal for this month is to really sit down and go through everything because if I face it head on, I won’t be as scared. I’m telling you this because I do not have it all together and we are far from perfect.
2. I hate doing my own hair and makeup
Yes your professional hair and makeup artist is telling you that I hate doing my own. I just think it’s a chore honestly. I have to wake up earlier and sit down and think of a look and it takes me about an hour to put a full face on. And I just like my bed a little bit better, ya feel? I’m afraid to tell you this because I’m a hair and makeup artist.. It’s my career.. But I love doing it on other people and I could do it all day!! Just not on me.
3. My personal hygiene is questionable sometimes
I LOVE the feeling of being CLEAN, but I hate the whole process of getting in the shower, washing my hair, shaving my armpits and my legs, etc. I would wayyyy rather just not have to deal with my leg hair and be slightly stinky … sorry, Steven!! So I… don’t shower everyday.. Yep I said it. I take a shower every other day or 2… Call me crazy. I just hate it so much and I barely leave the house anyway so I sometimes feel like, hey why waste water right?? And don’t get me started on shaving, I hate it sooo much it’s such a chore and in the winter months I don’t shave at all.. TMI? Oh well!! Hey I’m sharing things I’m scared to tell you so here you go!!
4. I feel like I’m a bad business owner
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing most of the time and I have one employee and I feel like sometimes I let her down when I don’t get a task done on time or I’m feeling down and I don’t wanna work that day. I need to remind myself that no one is perfect and even the best are still trying to figure things out.
5. I don’t want kids.. like AT ALL
The subject of kids has always been very touchy for me and I have always been the girl who never really wanted kids. When I tell people I don’t want kids they say a number of things and one of them is NOT ‘oh that’s cool’. It’s like no one is comfortable hearing that I don’t want kids. They are never understanding of it and just won’t accept that I want to live my life a certain way.. I mean isn’t that my right? I’ve always been like that since I was little and I still have yet to change my mind. I do not want my life to change; I like how my life is right now, and that’s okay. I often hear “you’ll change your mind.. Trust me. I was just like you when I was younger.” I honestly hate that response and I think it’s selfish to say that I think like you and my reasons for making this decision are irrelevant. I know people are coming from a caring place, it’s just frustrating to have someone assume they know me better based on societal expectations. I feel like it would be much worse to become a mother to a child I don’t want, than to disappoint people who expect me to have a baby. I feel like I can make a difference in this world without bringing someone else into it. Some say that my decision is selfish, and I say that having an unwanted child is selfish. Some say I’m too young to decide but I have yet to change my mind since I was a child myself. No one has an impact on my decision but myself. More women are choosing a child-free life and I think that is amazing and people’s response should be positive.
6. I’m a business woman FIRST and an artist SECOND
Yep I said it. This is my career, and this is my ONLY job. I have to first think about what I need to do to pay my bills and put food on the table first. I make every decision carefully and I’m slowly saying no to a few opportunities that might not benefit my business. If it benefits another business, I’m saying no more often now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for supporting other business owners, but I have to think about myself and my family first and if I really want to grow and scale, I can’t work for anyone else!
7. Being creative is something I have to work at constantly
I have never been someone who thinks of something and executes it well. I have to find inspo and really look and think outside the box in order to get new ideas rolling. It sometimes takes me days. It’s crazy to think about, but it’s really true.
8. I do not show empathy well
I don’t even know how to even talk about this.. LOL. It just says it in the title. I can be pretty harsh sometimes and not understand why someone is upset, and it’s something I have to work on constantly.
9. I struggle with impostor syndrome
Impostor syndrome is feeling out of place in a place where you have always wanted to be. It’s reaching that big goal and looking around thinking, “I don’t belong here, someone is going to call me out.” I struggle with this because sometimes I think I’m not good enough to teach others about hair and makeup. Like ‘who am I to be teaching this’, but I have to remind myself that I do belong and I know things that people want to know also. But sometimes it’s hard ya know..
10. I’m not always motivated
I struggle with being motivated in all things. I just don’t wanna get out of bed sometimes and I could quite literally stay there all day and I would feel just fine and no feelings of guilt. I get in these funks where I just don’t want to and that’s okay. I just have to make sure I make time to really do it in a timely manner. I’m scared to tell you this because I try to put on a happy face all the time and sometimes I just don’t wanna and that’s okay right? I need to show the real and raw me sometimes because not everyone has it together.
I didn’t really want to share these things, and it was difficult to explain the depths of some of these confessions. At the same time, this was super therapeutic! With all of the extra time some of us have, do some self-reflecting and you won’t regret it! I hope this helps you get to know me a little bit more.